Presidents and Plasticware

...written by Drew

Children these days spend far too much time in front of a tv or computer screen, and not nearly enough time in disease bearing, lyme disease breeding, mosquito infested woods. Why should these young minds be indoctrinated with the imminent threat of nuclear annihilation (evening news) or some gruesome mass murdering sycophant (CSI), when they can find fear in the simple residents of a local wood?

This change in our culture is exacerbated by a disturbing lack of educational materials connecting our presidents with their eating utensils. With the plethora of fundamentally flawed curriculum accessible, and the continued proliferation of books of mass delusion, it is truly befuddling that we do not have an elementary school edition of an authoritative compendium on presidents and plasticware.

Fear not, for our children shall have both, even if we need to use million dollar satellites to do it!